Lifetraps
Friday, August 21st, 2009
From the day we are born, we are forming connections in our brain that reflect every aspect of how we function in the world, including how we relate to ourselves and to others. We are in constant active communication with our environment. We impact it, and it impacts us. As babies and young children, the epicenter of our environment is the primary caregiver, usually the mother. If mom consistently reacts by yelling when you cry, or by cuddling, or ignoring, etc., this is continuously imprinting on the consciousness of the child. As children seamlessly merge into adults, it is not surprising that much of our childhood “programming” persists. Some of our “programming” will be healthy. Some will be defensive, as a result of needing some form of protection from our environment. Other programming will be maladaptive, making it difficult for us to function well in different contexts of our lives. In schema therapy, a type of therapy that merges psychodynamic, cognitive and behavioral theory and techniques, the maladaptive “programming” is referred to as lifetraps. Lifetraps form early in our lives. They are dynamic to an extent, but not whimsical. They serve to organize the personality and inevitably create self-fulfilling prophecies that conform to the rigid nature of the lifetrap itself. Alan is the youngest of 5 children in a very close somewhat boundary-less family. He was loved on the one hand, but there simply wasn’t much emotional energy left by the time he came along. This was learned by Alan from the time he was a baby. He grew into a child and later an adult that became quite adept at reading other people’s needs. This was a defense that in the context of his therapy should be respected. But it is no longer serving him in a positive way. He has a very difficult time getting in touch with his own feelings and needs and is extremely susceptible to the demands of others. This is causing him much conflict and heartache now that he is engaged to be married and caught between the contrasting demands of his family and his fiancé. In therapy, Alan has been discovering this lifetrap, which is referred to as subjugation with underlying emotional deprivation. Identifying your own lifetraps is an important first step in the process. It’s often helpful to work with a therapist on identifying, understanding, and addressing one’s lifetraps. A good place to start would be to get a book called “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeff Young, Ph.D, the founder of schema therapy. It provides a user friendly introduction to understanding and changing your lifetraps. The most important point to keep in mind is that nothing is permanent if you are open to change. By David B. Younger, Ph.D
