Therapy is an active process
Therapy is not a passive process. One of the first things that I usually tell people is that I am not a magician. I cannot fix your problems and my role is not to give advice. The more you put in, the more you get out. Therapy is not fun and it certainly is not easy. It involves dealing with painful emotional experiences and looking at material that is often kept tucked away in the closet. Some people come when the closet is overflowing and the door has burst open. This is called crisis management. It is necessary at times, but certainly not the ideal context for exploration. You do not have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. In fact, when there is room in the closet to organize that is usually when a lot of the work gets done.
My role is to facilitate this process; to explore with people; to challenge; to contain and understand; sometimes, to protect. There are days that are exhausting and frustrating and days that move me to the core. One of the greatest challenges as a therapist is to be present with people every time I see them. This means being open and connected and humble and willing to go where the wave takes us.
Therapy is not only about finding answers. It is also about connecting, slowing down, breathing, being afraid, facing your fears, and learning to love and care for yourself. The latter is so important and what most people find the hardest to do. It’s amazing how many people feel guilty for taking care of themselves. It is so fundamental. Learning to care of yourself is the foundation for everything else. I cannot convince someone to take care of herself even if I see that that is what is sorely missing. I can help you see what I see and try to understand it together, but lasting change does not come from anything I say or do. It comes from you.
By David B. Younger, Ph.D
