Ask before you assume
Roger is driving in the middle of the desert in New Mexico. He has been driving for miles without passing a single car, house, or person. He has never felt so alone in the universe.
Suddenly, the engine coughs and within seconds the car is sitting silently on the side of the road. He ran out of gas.
Roger decides to get out and walk. Considering how far he has come, he assumes that there must be some form of life ahead.
He walks for almost two hours and sees a single light in the distance. He picks up the pace and is overwhelmed with excitement.
As the light slowly grows brighter, Roger starts to think about who on earth would be living in complete desolation like this. He thinks to himself: “What if they’re deranged? What if they try to kill me or kidnap me? This is crazy. I cannot do this”.
Finally, Roger reaches the door of the single house in the middle of nowhere. He knocks and a man opens the door and says, “Can I help you?”
“Keep your fucking gasoline!!!” Roger says, and he walks away.
The moral of the story: We can create elaborate tales in our minds irrespective of the world outside. We are constantly defining the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others in our own terms without corroborating the evidence. In this joke, Roger worked himself up so much that by the time he actually met the stranger in the house, he had already lived out a number of elaborate fantasies. We often do this without even being conscious of it and it can really be damaging to relationships. So the bottom line is that if you aren’t sure, ask.
By David B. Younger, Ph.D
